Manic-depressive--it's been up and down since last night.
Yesterday, even though Joanne had left and left me a bit sad, I was back by the afternoon with good news. I finally told my parents about Montreal. I thought they would be pissed: I asked my mom over the phone where my birth certificate, and why, I needed to buy a ticket for Canada and she pulled one of her "I need to go" and then hung up without saying goodbye (a common occurrence, though it shouldn't be). I thought they would come back home all angry and interrogatory.
I heard the car door shut, and I was tense by the couch by the door waiting for their angry silence and pursed lips. But they came in, easy going, taking off their shoes like they were coming back from the tennis court and then my mom just asked what I needed. You should a passport to be sure, she suggested. When are you going? (She didn't even need exact dates.) Who's going with you (I had that answer)? She didn't even ask about where I was going to stay, I mentioned it and then an hour later she asked about the area (a high-rise apartment where all the McGill kids stay). She was so calm and limited about it, it was freaky. It must have been the effect of letting my sister go to live on her own for 2 months, the postcard from Amanda from Portland (and she already lived in apartments all over way before this).
And so I bought the tickets. I was so excited by their reaction I couldn't think and thought a single ticket was $174 when it really was only the price of two tickets (singles were $87). I used my sister's information for it even though I know she won't be the one going with me since she'll be in school. I needed a place-keeper.
I was such in a good mood I didn't notice the 5 o'clock surprise until something like 6:30--Spring Awakening started to offer Digital Rush and stage seats were available again. I was really excited, talking about Montreal with Staci and how we'd have to get in Spring Awakening sometime before that before Blake!Moritz left.
I spent a couple hours and the entire Tonys writing and surfing everything Montreal and Spring Awakening.
And then, today, I woke up early and went to an appointment a month early. I would have to get a new passport and I neglected to realize that the post office probably did photos, too. I got a call from work asking if I was going to come in today. We talked about professions and money and happiness in Sociology which reminded me that I needed to find out what to do with my life by the end of the summer. When class ended it was rainrainraining and so I went downstairs to the library to wait it out.
And there I got the news that Staci wouldn't be able to come to Montreal. A few hours later, and 5 Spring Awakening OBCast members announced their departure from the show on July 19th. Plans for another trip to NYC are confused again. I wanted someone to talk to. I ended up trying to work in the open space in my sister's room which kind of worked but I was tired and distracted.
Convince the parents to spend July 1st week in NYC (orchestra tickets $56)? Wait until Rowena and the crew plan a trip for mid-July? Will it happen? Will it happen while I'm in Montreal? Take a $130 bus to and from Montreal and NY during my 2 weeks "in Montreal"? Buy tickets now, or wait? July 24-August 5 or July 23-August 4 to leave more room for Claire? Go back on my semi-promise to Ting and drop his room/apartment for another one with roommates that can check on me if I have to be out alone at night? Send books and crash at Brendan's for the night I arrive since it'll be nighttime and the key's with the janitor? Should I be worried? Should I beg everyone in the world and everything to work out the way I want it to?
I called Joanne 5 times and got a call from UVA at 8:58pm.
How is it looking up? I'm working on getting 2 interviews right now (will email more people this week). Walmart Pharmacy's already checked the references. I don't know... I'm waiting for the weekend.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Chickens in Trees
I had no idea that the natural habitat of chickens were trees. Like any other bird, that's where they sleep. My mom was talking about how at night they huddle into the tree branches and in the morning you can hear them crow and drop off onto the ground. She loved the chickens, and there were so many, except the only part she didn't like was butchering them. Apparently there was one time she typed for someone and in return got a chicken which she and Grandma Remy had no idea what to do with because they didn't want to butcher it.
She talked about the 3 uses of umbrella (shielding from sun, rain, and the eyes of others when peeing in the grass) and how she would often walk to school without shoes on, even when she had slippers. And during the rainy season her grandfather would carry her over the fields because she was scared of the worms (all of them except earthworms). Her grandmother was mestizo, fair-skinned with a Spanish nose, and her grandfather was heavily built with black skin. Sometimes, people would call my mom mestizo because her nose wasn't as flat at others. She talked about how she lived with these grandparents and was sleeping next to them when they died, quickly and painlessly from a heart attack or stroke.
She talked about Bebot, the bad boy brother who drank a lot and would always be on the run to Uncle Ben's house, who would whip him into line. All of her brothers she said lived there and Uncle Ben would teach them right from wrong. She talked about how there were A classes and B classes and how she was in the A class while Marilyn was in the B class--she probably got her smarts from Grandma Ansing.
Grandma Ansing was salutatorian in high school, and her husband (my mom's biological father) was the valedictorian. They had competed a lot in high school, with clubs and academics, and go figure, ended up married. My grandfather was a bookkeeper in town, a really smart one apparently, especially in geography and history. He could have gone far, she said, except for his gambling. Grandma Ansing still reads his love letters.
Mommy talked about how she came to America: a federal order from the government brought her there after passing the international exam to get in and another exam to stay once she and 25 of her friends came to the U.S., living in government-subsidized apartments next to D.C. General Hospital. The first time, she failed the exam because they had only 2 weeks since arriving and had no time to adjust, especially when the exam was in New Jersey and they were living in D.C. Lifesavers the candy and lifesavers the tire were confusing, and when they ate at the cafeteria, they would keep their paper plates and plastic silverware as to not waste, to reuse them all.
Growing up, they used everything from everything. Their shampoo was dried rice stalks, burned, and mixed in a coconut shell mixed with water. It made your hair smooth and shiny, and though it wasn't very bubbly, it was soapy. She hated to beat the bundles of drying rice, but it was much easier when the mill separated the bran (fed to the animals) from the grain (fed to the people). The best, though, was the cacao that they would roast and pound together was tagapalut (molassas/sugar). And the large blueberries you would smash between rocks and combine with salt to make a tangy sweet and salty snack. She remembers the bonfires keeping them warm when it was cool, and how her grandmother would be pleased just to get a match from town because the way she did was by striking flint and sparking a fire.
She talked about the 3 uses of umbrella (shielding from sun, rain, and the eyes of others when peeing in the grass) and how she would often walk to school without shoes on, even when she had slippers. And during the rainy season her grandfather would carry her over the fields because she was scared of the worms (all of them except earthworms). Her grandmother was mestizo, fair-skinned with a Spanish nose, and her grandfather was heavily built with black skin. Sometimes, people would call my mom mestizo because her nose wasn't as flat at others. She talked about how she lived with these grandparents and was sleeping next to them when they died, quickly and painlessly from a heart attack or stroke.
She talked about Bebot, the bad boy brother who drank a lot and would always be on the run to Uncle Ben's house, who would whip him into line. All of her brothers she said lived there and Uncle Ben would teach them right from wrong. She talked about how there were A classes and B classes and how she was in the A class while Marilyn was in the B class--she probably got her smarts from Grandma Ansing.
Grandma Ansing was salutatorian in high school, and her husband (my mom's biological father) was the valedictorian. They had competed a lot in high school, with clubs and academics, and go figure, ended up married. My grandfather was a bookkeeper in town, a really smart one apparently, especially in geography and history. He could have gone far, she said, except for his gambling. Grandma Ansing still reads his love letters.
Mommy talked about how she came to America: a federal order from the government brought her there after passing the international exam to get in and another exam to stay once she and 25 of her friends came to the U.S., living in government-subsidized apartments next to D.C. General Hospital. The first time, she failed the exam because they had only 2 weeks since arriving and had no time to adjust, especially when the exam was in New Jersey and they were living in D.C. Lifesavers the candy and lifesavers the tire were confusing, and when they ate at the cafeteria, they would keep their paper plates and plastic silverware as to not waste, to reuse them all.
Growing up, they used everything from everything. Their shampoo was dried rice stalks, burned, and mixed in a coconut shell mixed with water. It made your hair smooth and shiny, and though it wasn't very bubbly, it was soapy. She hated to beat the bundles of drying rice, but it was much easier when the mill separated the bran (fed to the animals) from the grain (fed to the people). The best, though, was the cacao that they would roast and pound together was tagapalut (molassas/sugar). And the large blueberries you would smash between rocks and combine with salt to make a tangy sweet and salty snack. She remembers the bonfires keeping them warm when it was cool, and how her grandmother would be pleased just to get a match from town because the way she did was by striking flint and sparking a fire.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Tiny Dancer
These musician types, dammit. They offer me a room and I wait 2 weeks for a solid response and then they email back (finally) saying that it's taken, or it won't work out.
I'm so frustrated.
Now my option is renting a room from a McGill? student who is leaving town on the 11th so I don't even know how I'll be able to get the keys/room... I don't know. I'm getting more and more stressed about this project and it's becoming less and less appealing as things are piling onto my plate.
I have to call my (unpaid) work.
On top of that, my sister texted me last night saying that she was leaving for 2 months on Monday and that I would have to drive the car back from Charlottesville and when is your class on Monday I guess you'll have to start out at 6am so you can make the exam for the class you've missed a week of classes in. Surprise!
I wanted to cry, but I just breathed and went to sleep.
I'm so frustrated.
Now my option is renting a room from a McGill? student who is leaving town on the 11th so I don't even know how I'll be able to get the keys/room... I don't know. I'm getting more and more stressed about this project and it's becoming less and less appealing as things are piling onto my plate.
I have to call my (unpaid) work.
On top of that, my sister texted me last night saying that she was leaving for 2 months on Monday and that I would have to drive the car back from Charlottesville and when is your class on Monday I guess you'll have to start out at 6am so you can make the exam for the class you've missed a week of classes in. Surprise!
I wanted to cry, but I just breathed and went to sleep.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Can't sleep
GAH Montreal was listed on 31 Places to Go This Summer in the New York Times! This means many people will be making summer plans and BOOKING THE $87 UNION STATION TRAIN UP TO MONTREAL and I may possibly get stuck with the $172 train which just. can't. happen.
Also, this stupid media CD isn't burning and I'm almost taking that as a sign that International Action is a sketchy fake non-profit/NGO.
What am I doing. I NEED TO PACK. Train leaves in 8 hours and I might not get any sleep until then...
Also, this stupid media CD isn't burning and I'm almost taking that as a sign that International Action is a sketchy fake non-profit/NGO.
What am I doing. I NEED TO PACK. Train leaves in 8 hours and I might not get any sleep until then...
Friday, May 30, 2008
Overhaul
This Kyle guy hasn't emailed me back about renting the room yet and it's been 5 days! GAH! It seems like I can't get started on anything until I have a place to stay and have purchased a train ticket.
I'm worried because I think my friend who was planning on coming to Montreal with me and be my concert buddy/fellow documenter/friend/moral support is slowly backing out. With New York next week and then a trip to DC already planned for August 13th, I can see how it wouldn't work out too well if she's still planning on earning some money this summer. 2 weeks is a long time... to be alone...
I guess it also doesn't help much when I haven't told my parents about it yet and her parents already know and are in disagreement (in the early stages) on whether or not to let her go (the dad says yes, the mom says no).
+ Emailed McGill professors and Professor Charity's contacts
- Need to nail down which artists, curators, festival organizers, recording producers, radio station people to contact
Prioritize reading
1. Ethnomusicology (1 book)
2. Articles online specific to Music & Quebec/Canada
3. Encyclopedia of Music in Canada
4. Musicians and the Law in Canada
5. Nationalism/Culture of Quebec/Canada (4 books)
6. Linguistic Anthropology (2 books)
ILL's pending.
I need to remind myself to not spend hoursandhours on background not specific to Quebec/Canada... teaching myself musicology and anthropology would be like taking 6 credits of class, and I really don't have that kind of time. FOCUS, DISTILL! Time management.
In choosing artists to study, consider:
- age of artist
- genre
- indie vs. popular
- "agenda" or approach political? artsy experimentation?
- origins (originally from quebec? canada? u.s.? europe? 2nd generation?)
I'm worried because I think my friend who was planning on coming to Montreal with me and be my concert buddy/fellow documenter/friend/moral support is slowly backing out. With New York next week and then a trip to DC already planned for August 13th, I can see how it wouldn't work out too well if she's still planning on earning some money this summer. 2 weeks is a long time... to be alone...
I guess it also doesn't help much when I haven't told my parents about it yet and her parents already know and are in disagreement (in the early stages) on whether or not to let her go (the dad says yes, the mom says no).
+ Emailed McGill professors and Professor Charity's contacts
- Need to nail down which artists, curators, festival organizers, recording producers, radio station people to contact
Prioritize reading
1. Ethnomusicology (1 book)
2. Articles online specific to Music & Quebec/Canada
3. Encyclopedia of Music in Canada
4. Musicians and the Law in Canada
5. Nationalism/Culture of Quebec/Canada (4 books)
6. Linguistic Anthropology (2 books)
ILL's pending.
I need to remind myself to not spend hoursandhours on background not specific to Quebec/Canada... teaching myself musicology and anthropology would be like taking 6 credits of class, and I really don't have that kind of time. FOCUS, DISTILL! Time management.
In choosing artists to study, consider:
- age of artist
- genre
- indie vs. popular
- "agenda" or approach political? artsy experimentation?
- origins (originally from quebec? canada? u.s.? europe? 2nd generation?)
Monday, May 26, 2008
This is the changeover.
It's weird, the last time I posted a blog entry was March 22. What was I doing on March 22? How odd and surreal to think of where I was and who I was just two months ago. Dang.
A lot can change in 2 months.
Anyway, I stopped writing in my blog for a few reasons... I got busy, I was preoccupied, I didn't have the brain room or time to be introspective, I lost some faith, I just didn't give it time. Now, I don't want to leave this hanging on March 22.
I wrote my self-evaluation after I moved out and came back here:
"As I write this I am back home in Centreville, completed cut off from my life at the College and the people that I love and am surrounded by every day. I thought it would be easy to write this here and now—distilled from the college atmosphere I might be able to better focus on my personal achievements in the class. But now everything feels detached and I’m beginning to feel (or realize) how much the College and the class was a part of me, personally..."
I'll be using this blog address to blog about my summer research project about music in Quebec (La Musique au Quebec) so I can structure and record and talk about my efforts and because I never seem to remember or get things done without writing it out. So, before I start posting about that I wanted to say some last things:
- Thank you to EVERYONE for making SEAPs such a valuable and memorable experience. To all those who I've met, made eye contact with, talked to, worked with--you have had a personal impact on my life, and I thank you for making it so much richer. I feel so fortunate to have shared a class with so many AMAZING people.
- Thank you to Francis and Sravya for giving their all and inspiring us everyday, even outside of class.
- Best of luck to the seniors!! I will miss you all, and just being able to have you there on campus, but now the rest of the world will get to have you, too :O)
- BEST CLASS EVER! What a challenging and lovely experience.
GO SEAPs!
Fin.
A lot can change in 2 months.
Anyway, I stopped writing in my blog for a few reasons... I got busy, I was preoccupied, I didn't have the brain room or time to be introspective, I lost some faith, I just didn't give it time. Now, I don't want to leave this hanging on March 22.
I wrote my self-evaluation after I moved out and came back here:
"As I write this I am back home in Centreville, completed cut off from my life at the College and the people that I love and am surrounded by every day. I thought it would be easy to write this here and now—distilled from the college atmosphere I might be able to better focus on my personal achievements in the class. But now everything feels detached and I’m beginning to feel (or realize) how much the College and the class was a part of me, personally..."
I'll be using this blog address to blog about my summer research project about music in Quebec (La Musique au Quebec) so I can structure and record and talk about my efforts and because I never seem to remember or get things done without writing it out. So, before I start posting about that I wanted to say some last things:
- Thank you to EVERYONE for making SEAPs such a valuable and memorable experience. To all those who I've met, made eye contact with, talked to, worked with--you have had a personal impact on my life, and I thank you for making it so much richer. I feel so fortunate to have shared a class with so many AMAZING people.
- Thank you to Francis and Sravya for giving their all and inspiring us everyday, even outside of class.
- Best of luck to the seniors!! I will miss you all, and just being able to have you there on campus, but now the rest of the world will get to have you, too :O)
- BEST CLASS EVER! What a challenging and lovely experience.
GO SEAPs!
Fin.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Something more
[I wrote this at some odd hour last week and forgot to post it!]
I wish we could all visit India and Bali and learn this stuff together intensively together throughout the summer because it would be the most authentic like Francis was going for and I don't want this class to end.
It was interesting what he said about different ways in which to learn something, to learn through oral tradition because that is the traditional way to learn it and the most authentic way to learn it. And then he said something about transforming the mudras? or the caks? or the songs? or something like that and how this material is always giving and then I was thinking about the evolution of an art and how the original is beautiful but the evolved form is as well, and isn't the way in which we learn it, can't that be a form of evolution? I guess it's picking and choosing which things to evolve or modify in order to preserve the natural beauty of the purest art...? Can they even be compared, the way in which something is learned and the product of that learning?
Francis said something about us uniting and being together in mind and spirit and I just remember how it would look if that kind of connection materialized (I imagined a wispy white smoke going between and through all of our centers... I'm pretty sure that image is taken from some book I've read or movie I've watched... the concept of a daemon popped into my head and how the human's and the daemon's souls are connected).
Initially, I was excited about getting in groups and performing something together, and then I was nervous. I was nervous because I didn't know everybody very well and what if our tone together isn't creative enough and what if we don't work together well? But then I got excited again because I thought about the diversity of our backgrounds and personalities and how we all have something unique to contribute to the group and to the way we will express ourselves and the Ramayana and how it will be a neat challenge just to experience that group dynamic, working together.
I think my reluctance to pronounce correctly different languages' accents (especially French, learning Chinese) in a social, English setting is related to my apprehensions with performance and acting. They're the same, in a way... the way you have to transform yourself into something that is external to you and outside of yourself to perfect a certain expression or sound. There is you, and the audience or everybody else. I don't know why I care so much, it's sooo weird. I mean, why SHOULD you be nervous about doing something right or well? Especially if you CAN do it right or well--it's admirable, something accepted and aimed for by those around you. How frustrating, the power and comfort of conformity!
Last Thursday, I met Menar.
I wish we could all visit India and Bali and learn this stuff together intensively together throughout the summer because it would be the most authentic like Francis was going for and I don't want this class to end.
It was interesting what he said about different ways in which to learn something, to learn through oral tradition because that is the traditional way to learn it and the most authentic way to learn it. And then he said something about transforming the mudras? or the caks? or the songs? or something like that and how this material is always giving and then I was thinking about the evolution of an art and how the original is beautiful but the evolved form is as well, and isn't the way in which we learn it, can't that be a form of evolution? I guess it's picking and choosing which things to evolve or modify in order to preserve the natural beauty of the purest art...? Can they even be compared, the way in which something is learned and the product of that learning?
Francis said something about us uniting and being together in mind and spirit and I just remember how it would look if that kind of connection materialized (I imagined a wispy white smoke going between and through all of our centers... I'm pretty sure that image is taken from some book I've read or movie I've watched... the concept of a daemon popped into my head and how the human's and the daemon's souls are connected).
Initially, I was excited about getting in groups and performing something together, and then I was nervous. I was nervous because I didn't know everybody very well and what if our tone together isn't creative enough and what if we don't work together well? But then I got excited again because I thought about the diversity of our backgrounds and personalities and how we all have something unique to contribute to the group and to the way we will express ourselves and the Ramayana and how it will be a neat challenge just to experience that group dynamic, working together.
I think my reluctance to pronounce correctly different languages' accents (especially French, learning Chinese) in a social, English setting is related to my apprehensions with performance and acting. They're the same, in a way... the way you have to transform yourself into something that is external to you and outside of yourself to perfect a certain expression or sound. There is you, and the audience or everybody else. I don't know why I care so much, it's sooo weird. I mean, why SHOULD you be nervous about doing something right or well? Especially if you CAN do it right or well--it's admirable, something accepted and aimed for by those around you. How frustrating, the power and comfort of conformity!
Last Thursday, I met Menar.
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